Asking like a DEAR
Let’s imagine that you’re feeling anxious about asking for a code review. You don’t want to deal with it, but you know you have to ask eventually. To avoid engaging with the code review as much as possible, you quickly write a general blanket statement like “ready for review,” and hope for the best.
Sound familiar? We call this an avoidant review request. Avoidant review requests tend to be overly generic requests that don’t give the reviewer a sense of what the submitter actually wants and needs. This often leads to reviewers giving an equally vague review or an overly detailed and nitpicky review, in an attempt to be helpful.
Additionally, because avoidant review requests don’t communicate any blockers or anxieties, they tend to cue reviewers to provide feedback in a very dry and critical manner. All of this leads to even more negatively biased thoughts, and even more anxiety in the future!
Now let’s imagine that you instead write: “Could I get a review? I’m not feeling confident about the way I did XYZ 😩, so could you pay extra attention to that section? Thanks! I appreciate you!”
We call this a DEAR request. DEAR is a skill taken from Dialectical Behavior Therapy and gives a framework for effectively and actively asking for what you want and need. This not only sets you up for receiving a kinder review, but also reduces your anxiety in the future.
As a bonus, it also reduces your reviewer’s anxiety, creating a cycle of low-anxiety code review practices on your team. DEAR is an acronym that stands for Describe, Express, Ask, and Reinforce. Let’s break down how it works below.
Describe the request. This step simply makes it clear that you are asking your team or co-worker for a review. Example: “Could I get a review?"
Express how you feel about it! In clearly communicating to the reviewer how you are feeling, you cue reviewers to be gentle, humane, and validating in their review. Example: “I’m not feeling confident about the way I did XYZ 😩.” Of note, if you’re feeling nervous about expressing a lack of confidence, you can say something like “I’m not sure if the way I did XYZ will introduce problems in the future.”
Ask for specific feedback. By clearly focusing reviewers to a specific line or aspect of your code, you actually make their jobs easier and decrease their stress about reviewing. This increases the chances of you receiving a kinder review, as well as reduces the likelihood of you getting a review that nitpicks every single thing you did. Example: “So, could you pay extra attention to that section?”
Reinforce kindness with gratitude and responsiveness. By preemptively expressing kindness and appreciation, you remind your reviewer that there is a real, kind, and appreciative human behind this request, which increases the likelihood of them responding with kindness and appreciation. Example: “Thanks! I appreciate you!”
Let's Practice!
Go ahead and write down a DEAR request for YOUR code review, including the following components:
Describe the request
Express how you feel about it
Ask for specific feedback
Reinforce kindness with gratitude and responsiveness
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